Reality Bites

Random musings of reality bytes ... when reality bites.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

I just want to be friends, DH

4 years ago, this week, DH proposed to me in a winery at Napa Valley, Ca.

It's funny how life takes you to unexpected places. If you told me back in 2001 that I would be married to DH, I wouldn't believe it:

1. He's not "my type"
2. He was an acquaintance of my ex-fiance as they sometimes played softball together
3. I said "not so nice" things about him to his friends
4. I gave him the "I just want to be friends" speech. Which to guys, according to DH is "the kiss of death".

DH & I went out on a few dates in 2001, about 5 months after my dis-engagement with Jock. I think it was 3.5 dates (the .5 date was dessert), and a weekend camping trip with friends. The first 3 dates were good, he was very funny and easy to be with. We had the same sarcastic sense of humor so we got along really well and had things in common. It was after the weekend camping trip where it went downhill (that's another long post).

A week after the camping trip, I told DH "I just want to be friends".

It wasn't until our paths cross again, 6 months later, at a weekend ski trip in Lake Tahoe with friends. Leading up to the ski trip, we started to chat to break the ice. It turned out to be a fun weekend trip despite a snow storm which delayed our trip home.

After that trip, DH and I started to IM and chat more. I got to know him in a different light and on a deeper level. When we dated the first time around the previous year, I was interested and pining over a guy, Mr Executive. I was not open to any other relationships at that time as I was infatuated with Mr Exec. I think I was also too quick to judge him and put him in the friends box. This time, the timing was right and I (my heart) was more open to getting to know him.

We talked everyday via IM and the phone. The more we talked, the more I was growing to like him .... I was developing a full blown crush on him but was having a hard time acknowledging it.

One night on the phone with AS, she said, you keep talking about DH... do you LIKE him? Her question caught me by surprise. I paused and was speechless for a bit. She said, you do.. you do like him. I was thinking, how can I admit to AS I liked DH when I could not even admit it to MYSELF?? Her question forced me to confront what I was starting to feel for him.

DH invited me to go skiing one weekend, a day trip, just the two of us. I was excited in spending a day with him. The trip was fun and we had a great time. We got along great and enjoyed each other's company, it was a good sign we just spent 18 hours straight together, and I liked him more.

After that day ski trip alone with DH was when I knew I was falling for him. We talked daily and went out together. He was more cautious than I, being that I had "dumped" him previously. Later I told him that when he invited me on that day ski trip alone with him, I had thought of it as a date whereas he didn't, it was just 2 friends hanging out. I confided that I wanted to kiss him when he dropped me off that night. He said he didn't think of kissing me as we were "just friends". He gave me a hug instead that night and I was too chicken to kiss him, much to my own dissapointment.

We spent more time with each other and our relationship blossomed from there. I found him to be an introspective, kind, generous, caring, loving and funny man. A man that I admired, loved, respected and cared for. He made me laugh. He taught me to love again and to open my heart to new feelings. He was someone whom I wanted to be with and grow old with.

We dated exclusively for the next 10 months before he proposed to me one beautiful Saturday afternoon. On the anniversary when our paths intersected and life led us to an unexpected road and wonderful journey called love.

Happy (Engagement) Anniversary, DH. :)

Question of the day: How do you feel about the one knee proposal? Romantic, unimaginative, traditional or boring, etc?


Blogger DCVita said...

Ohhh, that was nice. A similar thing happend to me and a "friend", except HE was the one that told ME that I could not be a girl he can experiment with, so it kind of became awkward ever since. We are still friends, but I can no longer be as close to him as I was before (when we talked all the time).

But when you find someone that is truly your best friend, isn't t worth it to hold on to that person? I ask myself everyday...

March 15, 2007 at 10:08 AM  
Anonymous paulo said...


March 15, 2007 at 10:42 AM  
Blogger brookem said...

Oh I very much enjoyed this post.

QOTD answer: I like the one knee proposal. It is traditional, and it's romantic. It's not mandatory for me, but I wouldn't think it was boring or chiche if it happened.

March 15, 2007 at 1:00 PM  
Blogger Timothy Carter said...

Great story. Funny how love works, isn't it? Heck, I realized I was in love with the woman who became my wife while I was dating her best friend!

I like the one-knee proposal, which I used the night I asked my love to marry me. Yes, it's typical and clichee, but sometimes that's what you've gotta go with.

March 15, 2007 at 3:17 PM  
Blogger ella w. said...

So how did DH propose?

Even though I am somewhat a cynic, I think that the guy should get down on one knee.

March 15, 2007 at 4:35 PM  
Blogger Clare said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog Trixie :). In answer to your question I think one knee proposal is really romantic and also traditional.

March 15, 2007 at 4:51 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

#1 Isn't it funny how that works? The Actress and I joke about it frequently. Neither would acknowledge the other as "our type." And yet, I'm absolutely bent out of shape about this girl. (Maybe she won't read this.) I've spent so much time looking for a woman that fit this fragile profile I'd created, had an enormous amount of things in common with myself and shared my exact vision for the future. The moment I threw all that out the window (obviously, it wasn't working) I began to enjoy dating. Perhaps there is some merit in that whole "opposites attract" thing? I don't know what the future holds, but I look forward to it more and more with each day I spend with her.

#4 DH is right. The "friend zone" speach IS the kiss of death. If you'd given me that line, I would have written you off completely. And if I were you, I'd feel honored that he gave you a second look. Why invest any energy in a woman who isn't interested? Obviously, you left a lasting impression. ;)

On a totally unrelated note.. does brookem and Clare hang out at the same beach? ;)

March 16, 2007 at 4:08 AM  
Blogger Ally said...

I love relationship stories! I cannot imagine being attracted to someone who I had put in the "friends'" category, but it seems ideal to have that foundation first.

I like the bended knee proposal idea.

March 16, 2007 at 6:24 AM  
Blogger Natasha said...

Thanks for reading my blog. I love yours btw! Keep reading and have a good day!

March 16, 2007 at 8:04 AM  
Blogger Trixie said...

Thank you everyone for your comments.

The majority seemed to lean towards the one kneed proposal.

DCVita- I agree! When you find someone that is your love and best friend, it is worth holding onto. Never let go.

Brookem, Ella, Clare - I think the one knee proposal is a traditional approach.

Timothy - Thank you for visiting. Your love story sounds interesting too. ;)

Ally - Believe me, it was hard for me to admit I liked DH especially since I had shooed him away before. I had to swallow ego, pride, and everything else out the window to take the risk and follow the heart....

Aaron - I keep kidding him that he's lucky I gave him the 2nd chance.... hahaha... we go back and forth and he says I was lucky. In truth, we were both lucky to have given each other a 2nd chance. Obviously, he made a lasting impression on me too. ;)

Natasha - Thank you for visiting and I enjoy your blog too. :)

March 16, 2007 at 8:39 AM  

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