Reality Bites

Random musings of reality bytes ... when reality bites.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

X Marks the Spot

How does one feel when an ex is getting married?

If it were my exes, I can honestly say that I would be happy for them. None of my exes are married. At least not that I know of. The news would hit me with bittersweet feelings for ex bf1 and bf2 due to our past history. I would be genuinely happy that they have found someone to spend their life with. With ex-fiance, Jock, I would be happy for him on some level but mostly I would feel indifferent. Why? Read more below.

My BFF, AS, found out an ex flame is getting married next month. The girls and I had drinks Fri night. Jonesy mentioned that her brother’s good friend, Donovan, is getting married next month. There was a sharp intake of breath from AS. AS had a brief fling with Donovan years ago. AS said there was a powerful chemistry between them but the timing was wrong. In her eyes, he was her perfect guy.

She took the news with mixed feelings. She had a wistful look wondering “what if…” We prompted her to sip her drink. After a few sips AS started reminiscing about her encounter with Donovan. Every single, vivid, detail. The girls and I were just amused as we’ve heard the story countless times.

The next day AS said that she threw up when she got home. I was surprised as the drink we had didn’t have much alcohol in it for her to get drunk on. I had the same drink as her and it was mostly fruit juice, I could hardly taste the vodka. I even wondered if they had put vodka in the drink at all.

I told AS that she threw up not because of the vodka but because of the news Donovan was getting married. The news must have hit you harder that you thought. She wouldn’t admit it but Gigi, Jonesy and I believe that’s why she threw up. The girl barely drank her drink the night before.

My ex, Jock, handled news of my marriage well in the beginning. I had told him about the engagement myself before he heard it from his friends. We were friendly at first after we broke up but got into an arguement and the friendship dissolved. 3 months prior our wedding he posted a rude comment on our wedding website. The post was signed anonymously but I know it was Jock. The comment had very specific references that only Jock could have known. I was shocked that he stooped so low as to “sabotage” our wedding website.

How did he find our website? A close girlfriend at that time who was in Jock’s circle of friends forwarded it to him. I could not believe she did that and I was so mad at her for sharing our website with him, without my knowledge nor permission, when she knew Jock & I were not on friendly terms.

I confronted my now ex friend about it and she explained herself by saying, “Oh, I didn’t think you’d mind”. No shit, Sherlock. Yes, I mind! If I wanted Jock to access my wedding website, I would’ve forwarded it to him myself! Needless to say, that was the beginning of the end of my friendship with her.

I saw Jock, last year at DH’s softball game. He didn’t come to the bleachers but watched the game from behind the gated fence. I’m not sure if he saw me there or not. DH saw him and said hello. Jock never went inside the park to greet his friends who were playing with DH, he and the girl just watched from afar. I didn’t see the current gf up close. Good thing as I did not want to see/talk to him ever because of the stunt he pulled.

I heard the current gf has the same name as me. How weird is that?!? I don’t think I could be with anyone that has the same name as my ex.

That’s just me ...

Question of the day: How have you handled news than an old flame is about to get married or is currently with someone else?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

well when i found out my ex was dating another greek girl it messed me up for a while. so did not like running into them. now i'm okay with that and have actually met her a few times. she's a cute girl. he's still an ass. lol. but i have to be honest and say that it's still too soon after our breakup for me to be okay with him being serious about someone enough to get married.

May 1, 2007 at 2:12 PM  
Blogger Derek L. said...

I've always tried to stay friends with my ex'es. I figure that if I liked them well enough to spend a chunk of my life with them, they'd make good friends even if nothing came out of our relationship.

I was with a girl for 5 years. I had already bought the ring, and I was going to surprise her with it on her birthday in August. We broke up in April. It took me a month before I stopped crying. I stopped talking to her for a year because it was simply too painful...

Fast forward a few years, we've gotten back in touch, and she's been seeing another guy seriously. Then one day, she tells me she is getting married, and she would love it if I were there, but would understand if I chose to skip the event.

I attended her wedding. It was probably the most painful event I had ever put myself through willingly. On one level, I was genuinely happy that she was happy. In fact, she looked radiant. On another level, I couldn't help but think... That could be me out there. I could have been the one taking that first dance, the one cutting the cake with her, the one kissing her.

The day after the wedding, I dropped by her place to congratulate her in person (we didn't get a chance to talk during the wedding). The new groom was there of course. I suppose I could have felt a little weird, but I just felt a lot of happiness for the two of them.

She's pregnant with her first kid, due in June or July. I still think about her and talk to her once in a while. I'm glad that she has someone, but to be honest, there's always still that little bug inside me that goes "what if..."

May 1, 2007 at 2:13 PM  
Blogger brandy said...

What timing!! I just found out yesterday that a guy I used to love, love, love is now loving someone else. I actually was relieved that I finally had to deal with it. I always suspected I would be more upset/sad/disturbed by such news but I wasn't. Knowing he's found someone actually make me happy. Wow. I feel like.. such a grown-up right now! ;)

May 1, 2007 at 2:21 PM  
Blogger B said...

I reflected on it for a moment, then went shopping.

haven't thought about it till now

May 1, 2007 at 8:47 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

Note: Perfect guy but wrong timing = NOT the perfect guy.

And to answer your question, I could honstly care less. They're an X for a reason, as a friend most eloquently said once. I've moved on with my life.

May 2, 2007 at 4:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you ever heard that song from Garbage, Special? "there`s no way in hell I`ll take you back!" My own personal philosophy. I also tell friends and family that if they see the culprit to not even mention him to me.
I found out one of my loves got married and it made me super sick. The air got really heave and I just remember looking down to the floor and it spinning. After that religious experience, I don`t want to know. In that sense, ignorance is bliss...

May 2, 2007 at 6:38 AM  
Blogger angel, jr. said...

I think the news depends. If I'm alone, it might hit me hard. If she was a good person, I probably would be happy. If she were a bad person, I would probably feel sorry for the individual she roped and tied.

May 2, 2007 at 9:21 AM  
Blogger ella w. said...

There is always a small twinge of pain when you hear someone you once cared about so much is getting married. I guess it's assuaged if you are with someone else, but it sucks if you are single.

I am friends with most of my ex's (in NYC) and have asked them to tell me in person when they end up getting married. Ironically, both said "it's not happening anytime soon"!

Jock is such an immature assshhhhoolle!

May 2, 2007 at 10:05 AM  
Blogger brookem said...

when i found out that my ex was with someone, TWO weeks after we had broken up, it kind of floored me. but at the same time, it kind of gave me permission to move on too. not that i needed it, things ended for good reason. but still, it was hard nonetheless to find that out. i guess it just depends on the nature of the relationship/breakup, etc.

May 3, 2007 at 7:53 AM  
Blogger Trixie said...

Thank you everyone for your comments.

I commend those who can handle such news with maturity! Hearing news of an ex love can prompt us that it's ok to move on and move forward with our lives.

Ella - Yes he is an immature assh***.

May 3, 2007 at 8:50 AM  
Blogger SWF41 said...

Ooohhhh....good one!

Maybe because I have two of them, I tend to think of an ex as an ex-husband. I don't refer to anyone I've dated as an ex. That's probably weird.

I'd love for my first husband to get remarried, just so he'd have someone to focus his attention on and he'd leave me the hell alone. We share children. I'll never get rid of him.

My second husband? Oh no....the day I hear he's seriously involved or getting married...whew.....that hurts to even think about it. no no no no no no.

May 3, 2007 at 10:05 AM  

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